Making the Most of It

 As I'm sorting through what I can and can't do each day with this new concussion, I received some inspiration in the form of an Instagram post from @theblondeandthebay_ (Madelyn Houser, who curates stylish equestrian outfits and promotes quarter horses in the dressage arena). 

She shared a ground pole exercise from Equine Bodywork Online that she uses for her 24-year-old, retired FEI mare (who is, funnily enough, also named Leah). The circle exercise incorporates bending over poles at the walk, and I know that Missy benefits from cavaletti work that encourages her to move her arthritic joints through their full range of motion.

Previous trot pole work she has done with me

However, I know that I'm not currently up to jogging alongside either horse, and lunging in a circle makes me dizzy. I checked out the "Ground Pole Workouts" program offered by Equine Bodywork Online and noticed there were plenty of ideas for quietly walking through grids of poles. That sounded like something I could handle. The program was a little pricey, but also offered guidance on how many reps to ask of your horse and how often, as well as access to the online community to pose questions and troubleshoot issues.

They also were offering 40% off, making it more reasonable.

Since I'm not taking riding lessons at this time, I took the (very metaphorical) leap of faith and invested some of that budget in the Ground Pole Workouts program, hoping to keep Missy and Pyro in light work while I heal. 

I logged on, clicked on the "pelvis" category of what I wanted to work on (they offer suggested exercises based on the horses' trouble areas), and watched the video for the first exercise in the list, the "Even Raised (Walk)". Armed with a clear plan of how to set up the poles, how to set up the horse for success, and how much to ask for (3-5 reps each direction, 2-3 times a week), I decided to try it out the next time I had enough cognitive stamina after all the chores were done.

4 evenly raised poles, about 2.5 feet apart

Missy, being kind and reliable, was my guinea pig on whether this would work for me. Even though I'd just be walking in a straight line with her, there would be a lot of demands on my vestibular system and cognitive stamina as I paid attention to her body language and foot placement (turning my head too quickly, especially while walking, can give me motion sickness), cued her in the right timing, and read when I needed to make an adjustment. 

She was occasionally inclined to trot as I turned with her on the outside of the turn, but she was very polite.

Good range of motion for 22.5 years old!

She did a lovely job staying with me and making my life easy. We walked together for 5 minutes to warm up, did our 10 reps through the poles, and ended with her walking up to me at the mounting block to rest. It was short (20 minutes), sweet (truly she's a delight to handle), and didn't fry my brain!

well earned apple

Once she was tucked back in her stall, I reassessed and decided I had enough stamina to try it with Pyro (and still be able to drive home). He took a 10 minute walk warm up that included me slowly backing him several times to remind him of his "Advanced Leading" parameters (staying behind my shoulder, not crossing my centerline, and not crowding/touching me). I made sure my movements were slow, which had the added benefit of giving him time to think about what I was saying. 

Love how he lifted his back through the poles

He quickly caught on to what I was asking and thoughtfully placed his feet through the poles. I did take several breaks to practice his ground tie... and give myself a mental break while standing still. However, I wasn't too drained by the end of his 20 minutes, and I was so thankful for the chance to interact with them and feel more "myself".

He too got an apple for being handle able after minimal turnout 

I was very grateful I filmed them going through the poles because while I was just worrying about getting us through them, I definitely missed some things. 

Missy buckling slightly on her left front

During one rep about halfway through the set, Missy's left front knee buckled slightly. I didn't see it happen, but it is why she knocked a pole down later in that repetition. Her left front pastern has the worst of her arthritis, so I will definitely be keeping an eye out for it happening again. This low impact movement should help, not hurt, that though. She might require an easier version of this exercise if it persists. I'd hate to see her trip during one of our sessions.

Pyro tightening his topline as he lifts his right hind

Something else I missed was that Pyro's right hind began to tire the last 2-3 repetitions. I know that leg is a trouble spot for him (partially due to my crooked riding causing him to trail it behind under saddle), but I didn't realize how little stamina he had in it, even compared to his retired mother. He didn't do it the first few reps, but he started hollowing and bracing through his back only when lifting that right hind leg over a pole. I'm not sure what the whole picture is here, but he will certainly be getting targeted bodywork and strengthening exercises going forward.

Bonus pic of my happy little mudball

My brain was very tired by the time I made it home, but my heart was happy. The enjoyment I get from working with my horses comes from interacting, communicating, and teaching/learning with them. It's less important what activity we're actually doing. While I may be "grounded" for now, it feels good to have a plan, incorporating this slow, in hand walk work as I'm able.

Post Concussion Blues

 It has been a week since I passed out while giving Pyro his shots and rattled my brain. While I'm grateful it wasn't as bad as a prior traumatic brain injury (TBI), it's no fun to be dizzy and off balance, carefully monitoring my brain's stamina level, and avoiding bright lights and loud noises. 

In good news, Pyro is 100% back to his inquisitive, boisterous self.

Most days, if I pace myself well, I'm able to make the daily drive to the stable to muck my stalls. On "bad brain days" my husband drives me and helps with chores. I've only passed one feeding shift at the co-op to another boarder, after I had overdone it the evening prior, but have otherwise been able to keep my scheduled shifts. 

Photo evidence of me "doing too much", aka ground driving Pyro for 5 minutes after watching Jen's driving lesson.

It is clear that this concussion is going to take a while to heal from, and I already lament the lost training time with both horses. (It took 2 years to get to my "new normal" following my original TBI.) I know I should be grateful that it's winter, and I can slow down and appreciate the little interactions without the pressure of an upcoming show or scheduled outing... but I just don't quite feel like myself without the ability to work one on one with my horses. 

The Pinto Party don't seem to mind the vacation.

In order to keep myself occupied, I've done some tack adjustments and maintenance. It's something I can do while sitting in the quiet stable office, soaking in the sounds and smells of the barn. I know all of my bridles were in dire need of the cleaning and conditioning I gave them yesterday.

Pyro's WOW saddle got swapped from a semi-curve tree to a flat tree. I think the shape will work better for him once I'm back in the saddle, but that headplate was a bear to get in place.

Pyro's $free.99 dress up/ground driving harness has gotten several coats of conditioner. While I still don't trust this harness to get put to a cart, the leather now has enough life back in it to work for my purposes. It has soaked up SO MUCH tack butter in the warmth of the heated office.

Blessedly, work has started slowing down for the year as many coworkers take time off for the holidays. My boss is very understanding, and my line of work allows me to work from home (where I can control the light and noise of my surroundings) while taking frequent breaks to keep my brain under threshold. 

The BO dropped off treats for the ponies for Christmas.

The carrots were a hit.

I'm fairly well equipped to deal with this kind of brain injury. I have an understanding of what tires out my brain and that I need to rest preemptively. I have good sunglasses and ear plugs to use when I don't have control over how bright/loud my surroundings are. I've done a lot of vestibular and cognitive therapy, so I know how to exercise my brain in beneficial ways. I have an incredibly supportive husband who is always there for me. In spite of all those truly good things... it still sucks. 

The "office staff" judging me for being whiney.

I have no way of knowing how long it will take me to heal from this concussion, and while I've experienced first hand just how much it CAN heal, I worry about what symptoms might become permanent with future knocks to the head. I'm the first person to say my hobbies are inherently dangerous. It's not a matter of IF I'll fall, but WHEN. I do my best to mitigate the risk by wearing a well-fitted helmet with MIPS when working with the horses and opting out of riding if I don't feel 100%, but I didn't anticipate passing out and falling when giving Pyro a shot. 

Notice the helmet even on the ground. Pyro really settled into the work of ground driving, staying attentive and steady in the contact.

While learning to drive comes with its own risks, these worries about my physical abilities going forward have bumped it up the list of my priorities. If there comes a time when I'm no longer able to balance in the saddle, I want myself and my horses to already be comfortable and confident with driving, as that might still be accessible. Regardless, I should be able to handle ground driving from my own two feet sooner than riding, so it opens an outlet for my need to connect with my horses through work in the short term.

We both have a lot to learn, but I think he'll take to it easily.

I'm constantly trying to focus on the silver linings I find throughout the day, but I'm still struggling with the fact that I couldn't give my horse a shot (even though I didn't have any anxiety going into it) without passing out and giving myself a serious injury. Being back in post concussion syndrome hell has me in the dumps. I know it'll get better, and I'm willing to put in the work to get there, but until then, it has me singing the blues.

Of all the ways to get hurt around a young horse...

 ...passing out while Pyro stood there like a perfect gentleman is not the one I anticipated.

Pyro: I'm a good boy! I am!
(feat. my ever supportive and patient husband)

To treat Pyro's respiratory infection, our vet left the 2nd dose of his antibiotics with me to give 4 days after the initial dose. This stuff is THICK, so it required a bigger 18g needle. He also needed a LOT of it, so it was split into 2 syringes that the vet pulled up and left with me. 

said antibiotic

While this medicine has shown it most definitely works, I unfortunately have a needle phobia. I've worked through it enough to be able to give Pyro and Missy their fall flu/rhino vaccine. I end up a little woozy afterwards, but I'm able to avoid a farm call no worse for wear. I thought I was ready for this. 

Spoiler: I wasn't. 

Blessedly, I had the good sense to ask barnmate Jen to help by holding Pyro. Armed with self confidence and a pocket of cookies, I haltered Pyro in his stall and passed him to Jen. I approached Pyro like nothing out of the usual was happening, scratched/tapped his neck, jabbed and pulled back to make sure I wasn't in a vein, and slooooooowly gave him the shot. It was so thick that it took 2 hands. He only tossed his head once, but otherwise simply looked for his promised cookie when I was done. I felt a little woozy afterwards, as is typical for me, but I took a step back, did some breathing, and felt like I had fully recovered. I got halfway through the 2nd syringe and tried to tell Jen, "I think I'm going to pass out...", but apparently I already was and it came out as an unintelligible garble. 

"Huh, Mom's being weird again."

Pyro, to his credit, didn't react when I fell. Jen leapt into action, making sure I was breathing and not face down in the sawdust. (I really owe her for that one. What does one give a barnmate for traumatizing them? Booze seems the obvious answer. With my luck, I'll be singlehandedly stocking her liquor cabinet.) I came to, disoriented and with an eye full of sawdust. However, it didn't seem like I had hit anything major as I fell into the deep bedding. 

That sawdust filled eye got hella puffy

I'm no stranger to passing out, so once I had my wits about me, I carried on, giving Pyro the rest of the shot (with a clean needle) as Jen cheerleaded me on. I grabbed a snack while she finished mucking my stalls (maybe she needs a monthly booze subscription? Is that a thing?), flushed out my eye, and carried on with my plans. That evening at a holiday party (because of COURSE I had a party to go to) I noticed I was having occasional trouble finding my words, but figured that was just the spiked cider. In hindsight, drinking and socializing was not the best thing I could've done that evening.

Pinto Party (and friend Ivan) in the sunshine

Once I got moving the next morning, it was evident something was wrong. I felt sick. No fever, but I was nauseated, weak, and shaky. My heart raced as I fed and watered the rabbits. As the day progressed, I started to recognize many of the symptoms I had following my traumatic brain injury (TBI) in 2018. Que panic when I realized I had another concussion. 

Oh look! Pyro is feeling better!

Now it's 4 days past the concussion, and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll be healing from this seemingly minor fall into deep sawdust for a while. As with my prior TBI, this concussion affected my vestibular system, which is in charge of your balance, and increased my existing postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS). This means that I get motion sickness just from walking around and explains why my heart started racing when I got up to do chores. I'm also dealing with cognitive fatigue again, which causes looking at a screen to be very tiring and intense sensitivity to light and noise. 

Gotta balance out the heavy stuff with Pyro playing with a ball

What this means going forward is I have to carefully monitor my brain's threshold, stretching the limits of my cognitive stamina without exceeding them. If I ask too much of my brain at once, it takes longer for me to recover than if I preemptively take a break before symptoms hit me.

Happy boy

I likely won't be in the saddle anytime soon, unless it's to sit on Missy and do vestibular therapy exercises (something she helped me with previously). While that's a major bummer to say the least, I'm grateful it's not as bad as the original TBI, and I'm well equipped to deal with it this time around. I know that each concussion you receive makes you more susceptible to them in the future. It's why I ALWAYS wear a helmet when I ride. 

Preferably one with MIPS

The brain can heal, but it takes a lot of time... and some things are simply different now for me. I spent 2 years doing vestibular and cognitive therapy to get to my new normal, but I never got my working memory back. I certainly worry about what that means for my future with horses, but I choose to mitigate the risk as best I can while still taking part in what lights up my soul. I'm definitely considering wearing my helmet whenever I'm handling horses (not just in the saddle), as well as making alternative plans for when they needs shots in the future. 

Love this boy (even when he's naughty) with all my heart

So, in the meantime, I'll continue to enjoy the little moments of interaction with my horses, be thankful I can still drive to the stable and be around them (so long as I'm not over threshold), and look forward to our future adventures together. Be safe out there, friends!

WOW Convert

 While Pyro is recovering from his respiratory infection, I want to ask if you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior, WOW Saddles. 

Pyro modeling his "good enough for now" adaptation of Missy's WOW saddle.

All jokes aside, trying to fit a young Paint/morgan cross with narrow shoulders, broad back, short rib cage, long lumbar spine, and little to no withers through growth spurts that leave him teetering between being downhill and level, all while he builds topline that makes his shape increasingly more flat front to back... has been an absolute nightmare for the past several years. This is a long post, so... saddle up.

His has a... challenging... conformation in more than one way.

As a rather unconventional cross (and therefore shape) Pyro has been hard to fit the entire time he has been under saddle. We've spent a good deal of time in a Brockamp bareback pad. The fact that I was able to ride a 2-year-old, playful rubber band bareback tells you all you need to know about the quality of those pads, but that's a story for another post. 

Riding in the Brockamp at Dancing Horse Farm as a 2.5 year old

I searched for a "Grow With Me" type saddle that would accommodate my plans for low level dressage and jumping, but nothing I found used was quite right. We ended up being stuck either bareback or in whichever western saddle that fit him best at the time while I kept struggling to bring him along in dressage. 

Out of desperation, I even tried to shim Missy's wide M. Toulouse jump saddle. It was unsuccessful. 

I found one of the few saddle fitters who service our area and had them out to assess the fit of my current saddles and give suggestions of what might suit Pyro. At this time I learned about the Loxley line of saddles, which are available with an adjustable tree. Their Foxhunter model is not marketed as an AP saddle, but it's a jump saddle with a deeper seat than most. I did some test rides, and, with the understanding that it could be adjusted as he grew both through gullet plate and wool flocking, I pulled the trigger on ordering a custom Loxley with the adjustable tree. 

This saddle was BEAUTIFUL, exactly as I envisioned for a young horse dream saddle. It also fit me like a glove, staying out of my way and allowing me to forget about it (as good equipment does) and just ride. Pyro seemed comfortable too, so we carried on with our baby horse dressage and eventually introduced jumping. 

A couple years older, figuring his body out

This saddle was our go-to for 2 full years, and during that time it would work well... until it didn't. As he regularly changed shape, I'd dutifully message the fitter to come adjust it for him. Unfortunately, it was like pulling teeth to get on their schedule. Since I was the only client in the area, it felt like I wasn't a priority, even though I had purchased this custom saddle through them. 

There were many sweaty bareback rides as I tried to keep up on his learning while his saddle was waiting to be refitted.

As you can imagine, this lead to a lot of frustration. I had this beautiful, expensive, custom saddle that I couldn't adjust myself and regularly couldn't use as Pyro changed shape. Meanwhile, a friend of a friend introduced my barnmates and me to WOW saddles. These modular saddles are easily adjustable, either by adding or removing air from the panels' front and rear air bags, or by completely swapping out parts. 

Missy patiently letting us measure her for a WOW saddle

The brand's gauge (plus some virtual assistance from a knowledgeable fitter) allowed us to easily spec out what components each horse would need if we were to build them a WOW. While still struggling with Pyro's Loxley, I built a WOW "retirement saddle" for Missy by sourcing used parts and putting the saddle together myself. 

She seemed to really like the Flair panels...

Even if we had to play with the front-to-back balance.

Fast forward to the latest round of Pyro changing shape, his saddle shimmying forward, contacting the fitter... contacting the fitter... reminding the fitter I work an 8-5 and can't haul in during the week... and finally getting on the fitter's schedule almost a month after I had first reached out. 

Meanwhile, Pyro got lots of ground work while we waited.

Once the fitting appointment rolled around, I was dismayed to hear that Pyro's shape had changed such that he was no longer within the bounds of what his custom saddle could do. As he built topline, his back lifted, making the curve of his back front to back more straight and flat rather than curved. This is a common occurrence as horses get more fit. It also rendered my custom saddle useless to us. 

(*cue internal screaming and pulling out hair*)

After getting to take a trip on the SDAA (shock/denial/anger/acceptance) wheel, I refocused my efforts on what I had available: Missy's WOW saddle. 

Baby's first dressage saddle

When I sourced used parts for Missy, I obtained a few extra parts, ones that I was able to swap out to make something close to what the gauge indicated Pyro needed. The "wrong" parts meant that the saddle was unbalanced front to back, but I was able to accommodate that by adjusting the air in the panels. 

Pitching my pelvis forward since it was cantle high

Despite me being unbalanced, Pyro seemed very comfortable

As expected with the Flair, good even contact

I like where it sits on him, even with not quite perfect parts.

After a couple rides of tinkering with the air, both Pyro and I were pretty darn happy and comfortable!

Much more balanced

The saddle stayed behind his shoulder, and I like the angle the girth lays.

We were blessed by a visit from the WOW Saddle Fairy (our friend who originally introduced us to them), who dropped off one more "correct" part for Pyro. I haven't gotten to swap the new headplate in due to Pyro's illness, but I look forward to tinkering with it, and I know that what we have currently WORKS.

The WOW Saddle Fairy also dropped off our very own gauge for the barn!

As someone who is happy to tinker with equipment, being empowered to work on, adjust, and change my own saddle is a welcome experience. My husband (a mechanical engineer) says I would've made a fine engineer myself, so working on a saddle like this comes easily to me. It's as simple as using the gauge to measure, a screw driver to remove and replace a few bolts, or a pump and valve to adjust the air in the panels. I can easily brainstorm with my barnmates and other local WOW users, and we can get virtual support from the fitter who helped us do the initial measurements. Exploration and inventiveness are encouraged with this ecosystem. It's a refreshing changed after my experience with the Loxley.  I'm officially a WOW convert, at least for me and my ponies.